Finding My Place Without Shrinking Myself

When I first came to ASU, I told myself I just needed to work hard, stay focused, and not take things personally. I thought if I kept my head down, I would eventually feel comfortable. Instead, I spent most of my first year feeling hyper-aware of how I spoke, how I dressed, and how I came across in classrooms where I was often one of very few Black students. There were moments that seemed small on their own. People assuming I was in the wrong room. Group partners looking to me only when the conversation turned to race. Professors asking broad questions about “the Black community” and then glancing in my direction as if I was supposed to represent everyone. None of it looked dramatic from the outside, but the accumulation was exhausting. What surprised me most was how much energy I spent preparing myself before even walking into class. I would think about whether I wanted to speak up if something was said. I would think about whether disagreeing would make me seem angry or difficult. I would think about whether staying silent would make me feel worse afterward. That constant calculation started to wear on me. The turning point for me was finding community with other Black students who immediately understood what I meant without me having to explain every detail. For the first time, I realized that what I had been carrying was not just stress. It was fatigue. It was the emotional weight of navigating spaces where I was expected to adapt all the time. Having that language changed something for me. It did not fix everything, but it helped me stop blaming myself for being tired. It also helped me ask for support and be more honest about what belonging actually means. Belonging is not just being allowed into a room. It is feeling like you do not have to edit yourself to stay there. I still care deeply about my education and my future here. But now I also believe institutions should have to listen when students say that the climate is affecting them. Stories like mine are not about being overly sensitive. They are about what it costs to keep adjusting in places that call themselves inclusive while leaving students to carry the burden quietly.